Grief is not just the loss of a physical person. Grief is ANYTIME you suffer a loss. There are over 40 types of grief and loss, did you know that?
Welcome back. My name is Marliana Alisemon. I am a worldwide, international psychic medium, empath and healer and energyworker. I'm also painfully (at times) human. I'm equal to anyone else on this planet, and I put my pants on one leg at a time just like you. (unless you put them both on at the same time, then that is a skill... a party trick!)
As much as I read and guide my clients, as much as I know what to do for others to open their personal space for healing and recovery, release and surrender... I don't always put myself first in this department. Shocking right? hahaha! A healer, putting everyone else first.
This is somewhat of a blind spot for me. When I first started my healing journey years ago I understood the people pleasing and victim hood side of me and the reasons why I was the way I was. And rightfully so.
I've lived a life full of abandonment and neglect, rape and homelessness. Physical and emotional abuse, and I understood that putting everyone else first (people pleasing... a trauma response) wasn't serving me or my energy. It served me for many years. But as I grew and healed certain aspects of myself and my childhood it became clear that this was no longer the way for me, that it was actually becoming damaging.
And while I don't come at my life's journey with that victim hood or as people pleasing to make myself feel good internally anymore... I do tend to get carried away in my day and in my sessions. With family, friends and clients. With LIFE. I am greatly distracted with the external connections and experiences of life and I wasn't setting up my boundaries around "me time" And that's where the blind spot is for me now.
My life is a bit out of balance in terms of "me time " to integrate, to release and recover, to grow! And I need to take some of that space back for me to allow myself to work through some recent loss I've experienced. (my dial for my 'spiritual recipe" is slightly off right now)
And today is the day I begin to shift it back to what I need, so I can heal and release my recent loss and fill my cup back up so that I can keep being in service and keep following my purpose and path, and just enjoying my life's journey with more clarity and joy in my heart.
I have taken my mornings back! FUCK IT! hahaha! What used to be tidying up first thing in the morning from my family and sports, or sitting and scrolling with my coffee while my brain wakes up... Will now be second in place to bringing back my "me time" before the day gets going and things start flowing too quickly. I keep hearing "raging river" as I typed this.
The picture you see above is of some of my work today. I started with a grief journal. I made it through one prompt and then it just started flowing from me. Words and thoughts about what happened, How it made me feel, Why I think it hits "my stuff" and it is disturbing my energy, or is it disturbing me and why?
This journal session became a blend of release and mediumship guidance.
I was given some tools to use today to help me in my journey to release my recent loss, and let go. I was told to explore Primal Screaming. This is a release technique for anger, upset, loss etc. I am no stranger to this as I offer it to my clients. You can do this many ways. You can scream into a pillow, or a mattress, towel. you can stand outside and scream at the sun or moon. You can hop into a bath and sink into it and scream in the water. Can do this in any body of water. (although personal lessons learned... hahaha, do not put your face into a sink of water and scream. Them bubbles come up and pop around you ears. Wanna talk about deafening LOL)
Next up was EFT tapping. Did you know we carry grief in our chest and shoulders? I used some EFT tapping to release some of my grief through and from my tissues.
The next thing that came in for me was Qigong and Somatics. I resonate so deeply with Buddhist practices they're a remembering of Home. So it was no surprise that it came in for me to use today. Below is the link to one of the specific Somatic body movements to release anger and frustration.
I spent the first two hours of my day working internally, And while things still feel a bit yucky energetically and in my heart. I know I am on my way to releasing and healing from this loss. Holding myself very gently as I flow through this aspect of my journey, And now I am blogging about it giving myself an opportunity to have Shared Experiences with you and to release just that much more today. Then I will go and be silent. create for a bit and let things integrate.
The Loss
I have been one fortunate and blessed woman in my spiritual journey. Throughout my years I've had people come in at specific times to guide me, offer me safety and show me new perspectives. I've explored so many forms of spirituality with many different guides and mentors.
And my friend Doug was one of them. He is a senior, a dad and a spiritual Shaman.
And over the last four years I've been blessed with the opportunity to have him in my daily life. Guiding me spiritually when needed. Offering assistance when I can't get or understand the message being given to me. And his friendship, we became fast friends and shared mostly everything with each other.
Recently I was having a hard time with a couple aspects of my life. And it was leaving my heart hurting and me quite emotionally drained I was crying a lot and had "shut down" somewhat in my heart space. And during one of our morning conversations I brought it up to share and hopefully have a bit of ease releasing that pain.
And when I shared my experience and how I was feeling... I wasn't offered a friend or a supportive ear. I was offered blame. I was blamed for something that happened in a past life that may be attributed to what was happening at that time for me. And while I acknowledge those cellular aspects of Self, past life issues and misgivings (I get it... I REALLY DO) what I really needed in that moment. What my heart really needed at that moment was a friend. and a hug.
Instead I had blame placed on me, and he was refusing to listen to me. I tried to share how he was making me feel and he still wasn't listening... and unfortunately it progressed to him yelling at me and then proceeding to him hanging up on me.
I called him back to acknowledge the spiritual side, and to share that regardless of what happened many, many, many moons ago I was still hurting in my heart and that he added to it by his lack of support and kindness in that moment.
What I got back was an extremely angry man who wasn't listening to a word I had to say. He screamed at me this time and hung up on me again.
And that was the last time I spoke to my friend, my mentor.
And just like that, those doors and that chapter of my life was closed. Abruptly fast and the cut was deep. A few days later I decided to bake him some cookies out of love and I mailed them to him with a loving letter of our friendship and his beautiful space out in the country. And I never heard anything back... But I was 'shown' him throwing it all out.
People come and go. Period. And everyone who comes and goes out of your life has a purpose. As I type this, I hear "his purpose was fulfilled" and I see clearly the door slamming shut.
I never expected it to be so blunt, and abrupt and hurtful... but it can be and nothing is off the table when it comes to our human experience especially when other humans are involved.
Truthfully sitting here letting it sit with me... I had expectations on our friendship and mentorship... lasting. I expected it to last until his funeral (truthfully) and there is a part of my grief. I set expectations on a relationship instead of dropping them and seeing reality for what it is and allowing it to flow. I can see points looking back as I type this that showed me things were shifting, and I was "growing out" of his mentorship. In this plain, and in the Universe things were shifting and have been, still are shifting for weeks now. The cogs are just a goin'.
Had I listened more closely, I wouldn't have suffered so much. And that is the truth. When we listen we suffer less. Another lesson in my books with relationships, expectations and others ego and hearts. I am truly grateful to be here and to share this experience with you. Today has been a good day of release, realizations and closure. What a GIFT. Thank you for joining me on my ride!
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